How to Host like an Italian: a practical look
The Hostess with the Mostest
What does it mean to host like an Italian? So many people think that hospitality is the same thing as entertaining. If you’re good at entertaining, you're a good host.
We often look around us to measure our own success. You know her. She seems to have it all together.
In our modern culture, we immediately think of the famous culinary and home superstars we watch and read about who seem to effortlessly set a beautiful table with all the themed decorations and matching flowers. The food is exquisite in both its taste and presentation.
From the outside looking in, these famous, elite hosts are calm, collected, and beautiful in every way. Somehow they perform all of this “perfection” while maintaining a spotlessly clean and organized kitchen at that! They manage to truly inspire us.
However, I fear that in the midst of all this well-meaning inspiration, we somehow end up believing a lie.
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Defining what it means to Host
Do we believe that we haven’t arrived at that level of perfection and therefore aren’t capable of showing hospitality to others? Maybe we feel like failures when it comes to setting a beautiful table or cooking a great meal?
Maybe we end up focusing on the countless images we see on our screens. We know we can’t live up to that ideal of perfectionism and then resort to not ever showing hospitality to anyone at all.
Or, maybe we become obsessed with all that we see and use it as our measure for success?
Is this idea the kind of hospitality we are really after? Is it really hosting like an Italian? I assure you, it's not.
So, what then makes true and Italian hospitality different?
What is True Hospitality?
I believe that hospitality really comes down to heart motive and intentionality. In its simplest definition, it is opening one’s home and life to others. It’s inviting others into our space to share life with them and to show them love.
Showing hospitality is an act of attention, care, and thoughtfulness. This means it has to be intentional.
How to be Intentional
If we really want to live a life practicing hospitality, we have to work at building margin into the day. This “blank space” gives us time and expectation for our regular routines to be disrupted.
We keep this margin open while looking for opportunities that might come our way. Maybe we allow that margin to be used to take an older neighbor to the doctor, help a friend by babysitting on the fly, or preparing a meal to someone who needs some cheering up?
Most of us live such hurried and packed-full lives that we have absolutely zero margin. Our schedules are scheduling us. We jump from one hurried thing to the next.
This hectic pace is running us ragged. Is this how the rest of the world is living? Is this how we are really meant to live?
The Slow Living and Hospitality Connection
The slow living life of Italy is deeply connected to its culture and practice of hospitality. How is it connected? When we put that blank margin that I’m talking about back into our own lives, we naturally tend to slow things down.
When I was studying design in university, my professors always encouraged me to use more “white space” in my designs. This purposeful space is empty space that actually gives importance to the main focus of the design. If you have a piece of art that lacks this space, it’s really easy for the intent and message of the design to get lost as well.
This cultivated “white space” can be what makes the piece of art communicate clearly and reveal its beauty. The same is true for our lives.
Italians know the value of this margin. They even have the famous saying, “dolce far niente.” The sweetness of doing nothing. They keep the margin open for life to happen.
In Italy, you run into a friend while you’re running errands. No worries. You have time to invite her to grab a coffee and catch up. It’s not planned out for three months from now. You do it now. And you can do that, because you have the space and are able to offer hospitality at that very moment.
Serving Others While Hosting like an Italian
Another good definition of hospitality is: creating space in your life to intentionally welcome people who aren’t normally there. It is to make others welcome. Simply put—it is serving others.
Because Italian culture has been around for such a long time, there is a history that it embodies. Historically, if someone came to you in need, you would culturally be obligated to show hospitality to that person. Not just an obligation as we imagine it, though. I think it’s more the idea of a calling to do so.
Some of that idea still exists in Italy today. Italians are very generous and giving people. They have a value for life and sharing that life with others.
When an Italian opens up their home to you, you will feel like royalty. And I’m not talking about the aesthetic or anything related to wealth for that matter! I’m talking about being seen. You are the guest. You are invited. You are asked to sit down at the table and share words, share meals, share hearts.
The hospitality and kindness I have been shown by Italians overwhelms me. Some of the most impactful measures of kindness expressed to me and my family have been from Italians. They are thoughtful people. They serve and want to help when there is a need. And they aren’t timid or afraid to express kindness.
Also, Italians aren’t afraid to express feelings or emotions. This brings you in close on a more intimate level than most of us Americans are used to.
I think that was one thing I really loved about living in Italy. My personality is a passionate one. I deeply care about things. I’m an artist and a more reflective and emotional person by nature. When I lived there, I felt I had the permission to be who I was. Or at least, I felt more “normal.” Being expressive was expected. Cue the hand gestures.
The Choice of Being Different
Maybe being expressive is the better way? Just maybe we should share life with others before it's too late?
Don’t we want others to know that they matter to us? I don’t want people to wonder what, or better who, I care about!
Being expressive and putting yourself out there might not be for you. But, for me, I want to express how I feel to others. I want to invite them into my space. I want to really “see” them when they sit in my home or around my table. I want my neighbors to know I care. And I certainly want my family to know they are loved, served, and valued.
I think that living out hospitality comes from a place of gratitude. We know that we have been blessed and left with plenty to share.
Hospitality cannot come out of a “scarcity mindset.” If we think we have to hoard and save all that we have for ourselves, we will never see those around us.
We must choose to see that each gift we have is to enjoy and enjoy with others.
Who can you reach out to today? Is there someone you could open a door to and invite into your life?
A Few Practical Ways to Host Like an Italian
When you are invited to someone’s home, show up with a gift: flowers, a plant, dessert, a gift for their children, or a bottle of wine. Be creative and bring something the host could use or enjoy.
Invite someone to have a caffè. It could be someone you don't know that well. When you do, don’t look at your phone...or your apple watch! See the person and engage in conversation.
Ask questions. Italians are great at asking questions and genuinely being interested in different ideas and points of view.
Invite someone into your home. Supper doesn’t have to be elegant. In fact, it doesn’t have to be dinner. It can be coffee, tea, dessert—anything. You can make a simple pasta for lunch with a few basic ingredients, serve it on paper plates and with plastic forks. It’s about the love and care you put into it!
If you want to take your hosting up a notch, Italian style, use a crisp table cloth. Light a simple candle. Use the serving dishes you have to wash by hand. Let your guest know they are worth the effort to set the stage for a nice evening.
Be welcoming in your spirit and with your words and actions. Treat others like they’ve always been a part.
Offer to give someone a ride to someplace you’re both going to. Or, offer to give them a ride home.
When someone stops by your home, invite them in for a caffè.
Look for ways to be intentional. Ask someone to join you in what you are doing for the day.
Looking for other ways to live more Italian?
Download my free Living La Dolce Vita Guide.
Take my Online Pasta Making Workshop.